we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
