lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
