I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
