my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
