He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
