look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
