I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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