my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I understand Curling. That high.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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