I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
