Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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