Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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