I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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