i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We're too hungover to prance.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
