peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
