My first STD was from a foam party
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sisters under your porch take her home
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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