A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
