dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
