How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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