then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
