I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
