from now on my penis is your penis
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
