i would punch a child for taco bell
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if only i could text you this smell
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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