I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
