Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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