i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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