Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
