First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
zippers are such a cool invention
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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