mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
