U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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