marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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