Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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