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We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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