I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
