I need help removing her.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
