Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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