hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
