I have demons in me.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
