i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
