So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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