We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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