Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
