So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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