i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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