omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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