I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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