My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i would punch a child for taco bell
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
