when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
