Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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