i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
