mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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