I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
