the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize