I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
