A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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