Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
