Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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