wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
