I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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