Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
