I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
