Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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