you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
