I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
