I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
