I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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