pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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