How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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