i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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