***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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