omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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