i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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