she looked like the before picture.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
