Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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