I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
