hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
