I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
