one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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