I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
