i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont even know how to be here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
