she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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