That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
