Plan B is the new Plan A
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
