It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
