You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
