Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
