Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
