I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
