Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
