IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
